Covid-19 has changed all of us.  It’s changed our family, our country, and really, our world.  No matter where you land on the political spectrum, no matter your philosophy on masks, on healthcare,  government, or science—you’ve been impacted.  At least we are all united by that.  I think most of us are also united by the fact that we aren’t quite living up to our Quarantine Goals.  Feels strange to type that phrase—-that there could even be goals around a quarantine, but admit it—you had them too.  And slowly, but surely, they’ve widdled down to “let’s just survive”. 

At the outset, it was scary, of course, and very surreal to watch things get cancelled one by one, to see the scope of what was happening, and to know that most everyone was staying at home, whatever that meant for them.  But I think most of us saw an opportunity to use the time well, to make the most of this new opportunity where we weren’t going to school, practices, lessons, games, parties, and a host of other commitments. I sat down with my kids and gave them each a journal.  We talked about how important it will be to document what happens throughout this process–not just in our surroundings but within themselves as well.  Remember your thoughts, your feelings, your highs, your lows—that’s what I told them.  And I would do it too.  We then brainstormed and made a list of all the great things we could do during this time.  This optimistic list included things like learn a new instrument, set and accomplish some fitness goals, study something new, organize our closets, train our dog, and a host of other ideas.  We also talked about the importance of structure, and routine, and exercise.

You know what?  Overall, we’ve done pretty well.  Objectively, when I look back over the last couple of months, we have stayed home for the most part.  The kids have done school, I’ve been able to do some work, we’ve kept the house sort of clean, we’ve worked in the yard, and we’ve all exercised and have eaten reasonably well.  I’ve read more books than I’d read all year, I think.  We did write in our journals, though it has definitely fizzled.  We have had spiritual discussions, but again—this has fizzled as the weeks have gone by.  But yes, some accomplishments.  Some good things. Full disclosure, though—there were days I didn’t shower.  I didn’t learn a new instrument and I didn’t achieve any major fitness goals.  I had a bout of depression.  There were some major stress-induced episodes around here—not good. There were times I raised my voice and swore—not good.  Then I had mommy guilt because of all my mistakes.  Really not good. There was one day where I took two xanax and slept most of the day.  I’ve stayed up watching Netflix on more than one occasion.  

But I look at my kids and I see that they have survived.  Despite my mistakes, despite the huge challenges that quarantine can present, we have it pretty good and I know that.  I look in the mirror and see that I, too, have survived.  I’ve survived this and many other things in life. Right now, I’m surviving as a single parent.  I have no idea when we will see William again—he’s in China, we’re here.  Who knows.  The layers of stress and uncertainty are thick and intertwined and not pleasant.  But, we have survived.  We are managing.  And the sun is coming out.  At least, it seems that way for the moment.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with this global pandemic.  I don’t know what’s going to happen among people who so passionately disagree on everything.  I don’t know how to measure, or if it matters, what kids have missed out on, or will miss out on.  I don’t know how long it will last, if there will be a vaccine, or what comes next.  I only know that I have today.  And I have love—love for my children, love for my family, for my friends, and for this world.  Love in the time of Covid.  Who knew?